


listen to the truth inside you

by akamine_chan



Series: catharsis [2]
Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Band Break Up, Band Family, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-29
Updated: 2013-03-29
Packaged: 2017-12-06 20:01:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/739557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akamine_chan/pseuds/akamine_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard is Jersey born and bred, but California's home now.  So even though he knows it puts him at a disadvantage, he asks Frank to meet him in the city.  It's a calculated move; Frank's walking into this meeting on the defensive, and Gerard needs all the help he can get.</p>
            </blockquote>





	listen to the truth inside you

**Author's Note:**

> Beta by Ande and Luce, title from Gerard's long-ass tweet entitled [A Vigil, On Birds and Glass](http://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1rjdh4f)
> 
> I'm a writer, and my way of dealing with my emotions, especially grief, is to write. This is basically the exact same story I wrote for Frank, but from Gerard's pov.
> 
> This is for all of us, as we heal.

Gerard is Jersey born and bred, but California's home now. So even though he knows it puts him at a disadvantage, he asks Frank to meet him in the city. It's a calculated move; Frank's walking into this meeting on the defensive, and Gerard needs all the help he can get.

It's a cold, lifeless room, full of ornate furniture. Gerard huddles in his hoodie and looks out the window at the New York skyline, letting the memories wash over him. 

The door opens and Frank comes in, and even from across the room, Gerard can see how upset he is.

"So, we're really gonna do this?"

The words are angry and Gerard flinches. He's always known that when they finally threw in the towel, Frank would take it the hardest. Frank had believed so hard in the band before he even was a part of it, and that unwavering belief had sustained them through the years. 

Frank doesn't know how to stop.

"Frank, Frankie—" Gerard doesn't know what to say to make this hurt any less.

Frank is pale, the color and life stripped away. Gerard just wants Frank to understand, to see how hard this is for all of them, saying goodbye to the life they've lived for more than ten years now.

They were different people then, little more than kids, raw and broken and full of pain; all he'd wanted was for everything to stop hurting. For a long time, the music had done just that.

"Are you _sure_ , Gerard?"

Frank's eyes are piercing, and Gerard makes himself meet them dead on. He thinks about the music, how it seems like something they've outgrown, that doesn't fit the way it used to, constricting in ways he's never felt before. He swallows hard. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure, Frankie. It's what we need to do."

He's sure of it.

"Frankie." He touches Frank's shoulder, trying to make him understand. "I'm sorry, so sorry, but it's what needs to be done. We've fucking tried, and we've had a good run. It's time to let go." He can feel the tears welling in his eyes and blinks them back, attempting a wavering smile.

"What ever happened to never giving up?"

It's like a slap, the venom in Frank's voice. "Frank—"

"No, seriously, Gee. What happened to this band being a life sentence?"

 _It is_ , he wants to protest. _We're more than just a band_. Gerard's throat is so tight he can't get the words to come out. The silence stretches between them, then, "Frankie, please don't be mad at me—" His voice breaks.

Frank looks away from Gerard, like he can't even stand to look at him anymore. He flips through the documents, and signs his name.

It's over.

Gerard thinks he's going to be sick, because he's scared of what comes next, terrified of making the wrong decisions. Worried about losing Frank. At the same time, something inside of him seems lighter, brighter.

It feels a lot like freedom.

"I love you," he says as Frank heads toward the door, never once looking back. Frank pauses for a long moment, hand on the doorknob and Gerard holds his breath, hoping. But Frank just walks away, the door closing quietly behind him.

He slumps into a chair, pulling his phone out of his pocket and fiddling with it, looking at the lock screen, which is a picture of his girls, smiling and happy. He misses them with an ache that's physical. 

Gerard doesn't want to bother Lindsey right now; she's so busy getting ready for the tour, but he can't help himself, his fingers swipe across the screen and the phone's pressed to his ear before he can talk himself out of it.

"Hey, baby," Lindsey says, and the tension in him eases.

"Hi," he says back, and he has to clear his throat. 

She is never less than direct. "How did Frank take it?"

Gerard traces circles on the shiny surface of the table. "Bad."

Lindsey sighs. "You knew he would," she says softly.

"Yeah." Gerard wants a lot of things in life, but right now he'd settle for a hug. "I know." 

The connection between them hums, and this is one of the things that Gerard loves about Lindsey. She understands his silences, lets them run their course until he's figured out what he's trying to say.

"I—I just want to know that he doesn't hate me—"

"He doesn't." Lindsey's voice is certain, and Gerard needs to believe it. "He's upset and angry. Change is hard for Frank, you know that. But he loves you, you're still his friend, his brother."

"I hope so," Gerard says, and he can't help feeling wistful. He misses Frank already, misses his stupid giggle and his grandpa sweaters and the way he loves his kids so fucking much.

"You okay, sweetheart?"

Gerard has to close his eyes against the sting of tears. "No, I'm not." 

"But you will be."

His heart flutters in his chest, like a trapped bird. "Yeah. Yeah, I will be."

-fin-


End file.
